Holiday Headspace
In the true spirit of Headspace, let us start by taking one really big breath in (hold one, two, three…) and exhale (one, two, three…)
Growing up, every major holiday celebration was held at my Gma’s house. Family, both immediate and distant would pop in and out, but she also was the type to invite friends and acquaintances to dinner. Even if they ate before they came, she was sure to push upon them another plate of goodies. In her dining room, right next to the table, was an old piano. For a period of time, my older sister had been taking lessons, but eventually it became more of a statement piece than anything else. One year, said older sister announced that she would be bringing a boy to Thanksgiving dinner. As little sisters are obligated to be, I was really annoying about it. Especially when I found out that the boy who would be coming to dinner had blue hair.
To be clear, adult me (and even kid me) thinks colored hair is really cool. But, this fact surprised my Gma. I am fairly certain she had never met a person with blue hair before. So, I did what any sane and rational person would do. I spent 30 minutes sitting at the piano ‘writing’ a set list of original songs for dinner, all centered around our newest and most interesting guest. The overture was entitled “Here Comes Blue Boy,” and since I knew nothing about composing original piano music, it was basically just a scale repeated over and over. My Gma was a good sport. She always supported my aspirations. My sister, on the other hand, wanted to exile me to another planet I’m sure, but instead I was sent to the living room.
Holidays as you grow up though become more confusing and at times, taxing. Think about it. As a kid, your worries are probably on dinner and if you’ll get a gift. But, the older you get, the more mundane worries start to settle in. Those thoughts can overwhelm the simplicity of the holiday and overshadow the typical joy and warmth associated with the season.
When I was getting ready to graduate from high school, I was bombarded with the question of “What’s next?” I saw a tweet once that poked fun at the seemingly philosophical question. It said something like: ‘You’re asking me what I want to do with my life, when I still have to ask for permission to go to the bathroom [at school].” And that question continues to linger throughout the years, right? In my case, I went the route of college. The following holidays were full of more questions like ‘What are you going to study?’ and “What is your plan when you graduate?’
I knew people in college that seemed to have a scripted answer to that question. They had been planning their futures and who they wanted to be since they were little. That is truly great for those people, I admire that and hope that their reality matches their dreams. I, and I know I’m not alone in this, was/am a much more take it all day-by-day type of person. I can’t tell you exactly where I’ll be or what I’ll be doing because I need to figure out who I am first. As I approach 30, I can say that I while I am not aimlessly wandering through life like I was as a young adult, I still believe in the magic of the universe and that not every single detail needs to be planned because life will take you to be exactly where you are supposed to be.
Now, the questions have transitioned into more personal fulfillment types: ‘Are you seeing anyone?’ and ‘Don’t you want to get married and have children?’ And mostly I think the people doing the asking are coming from a well meaning place, but that doesn’t mean that hearing and answering those questions over and over can’t take a toll on your mental health. I also want to shout out to my fellow introverts here. Sometimes it is not even the questions themselves that are tiresome, but the increased socialization that occurs during the holidays that can cause some batteries to run low. There is less time to recharge yourself between interactions because there are so many more obligations than usual.
As someone who had to learn for myself, I will impart on you the advice I wish I would follow. For the questions, plead the fifth. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying ‘I don’t want to talk about that right now’ or changing the subject. It is also understandable, no matter what your age is, to not have everything figured out. Even though it might feel like it at times, dinners are not game shows where the audience was polled and you are expected to know the answers. Similarly, as much as we might feel guilt (hopefully only temporarily), it is OK to say no to a social gathering. As much as the holidays are about celebrating with others, you also need to spend time celebrating yourself.
The last piece of this is for anyone who may already be struggling with their mental health and has the above scenarios added to the weight they are carrying. We just had Daylight Savings Time, so now, for a lot of people I know, it’s dark outside when leaving for AND coming home from work. That is bleak. It is the snack that feeds seasonal depression. Then, you have those who have regular non-seasonal depression, anxiety and other mental health illnesses. The holidays can be so difficult. Some may be honest with their loved ones about their mental health and the people around them may not understand. It is the happiest, most magical time of the year, how can you not feel that? Then, you’ve got the people that put on a mask and suffer behind the scenes. You can’t sustain yourself or your meaningful relationships if you are never presenting your true self.
I have no real advice for this, I am assuredly under-qualified. I can just speak from experience as someone who has been misunderstood by family or felt performative for others this time of year. You alone have to decide what is best for you. If talking to someone you are close with and care about will help, you should do that. If you are not at that point, I encourage you to talk to someone. Seek out a therapist. Going to regular therapy has changed my life. My appointment following any important dates are always the best. I feel like I’m reenacting a holiday episode of a TV show I’ve written AND starred in for my therapist. Depending on the events, it is either a comedy or a drama. Either way, she has to listen to me. I’ve also been fortunate enough to build a found family around myself in the last few years. We aren’t related by blood, but they certainly make my life better. Find those people that understand you well enough to know when you are wearing a mask.
No matter your situation, I hope you survive your holidays this season! I wish you to be as carefree as a boy with blue hair entering a room with his own overture. You are the main character and just like in The Sims, you have to sustain all aspects of your health, including mental health, if you want to make it. Don’t forget, if you need a little extra comfort, you can stream our latest single “Tangerine Tea” which is about struggling with mental health and finding a way to fill up your cup again.