Hot Self Summer

Just a few weeks ago, my town decided to demolish two smoke stacks that were part of an old power plant. Like a lot of other people in my community, I rolled out of bed and threw on some clothes so I could walk down the block to see the stacks implode. (Hey, that kind of rhymed.) It was early morning and already hot, so I wore a cropped tank top and a pair of shorts.

Fast forward a few hours, and a lot of the surrounding streets were still closed as they cleaned up the debris. I’m walking my dog when a car pulls over and the driver, a middle aged woman, rolls down her window to ask me for directions. As I’m explaining, she stops me mid-sentence and asks…”Are you pregnant?”

My brain short circuited for a hot second.

The only “baby” I have is of the four legged variety.

I said, “No,” and then carried on giving her the directions. This lady doubles down and asks me, “Are you sure? I see a little pooch sticking out there. I thought for sure you were newly pregnant.” I hit her with another “no” and she drove away probably forgetting about the interaction immediately.

I, of course, did not.

I panicked the whole walk home thinking to myself: Is this outfit unflattering? Does it make me appear a “little pregnant.”

Now, I know a lot of women who take pride in being pregnant. But, I’ve also seen instances where someone was completely crushed when asked if they were pregnant and they were not. In fact I once had a coworker respond to that question by saying “No, I’m just fat.” You could tell that she was as uncomfortable answering, as the person who asked was receiving that answer. Personally, I don’t think anyone should ask a woman that question; not until she brings it up herself. Honestly, I think the safest bet is to ask on the way to the hospital, preparing for delivery after the full nine months.

I kid! Kind of…

Thinking about why the women’s question bothered me so much was a little tricky. I think most of my insecurity is rooted in the fact that I have been dealing with some health issues lately that sometimes causes my stomach to bloat a lot.

I once woke up 11 pounds heavier than when I went to sleep the night before!

On the other hand, I totally recognize that any body, no matter the size, should be able to wear a cropped tank confidently, and be free of public commentary from strangers. If that lady had said that to one of my friends, I would have recommended giving her directions to the nearest river instead of the mall. I would have said, “You don’t need that negativity in your life.”

Me though? I let that comment gnaw at me a little.

The first thing I did when I got home was turn on my Lizzo playlist. Listening to her sing about how I’m special, did indeed make me feel special. A couple of songs later, I felt on top of the world again.

That’s the power of music, baby.

We’ve talked about this before, but music can influence your mood and emotions, so this jam sesh was a total confidence boost AND it was amplified for me because Sami and I had seen Lizzo in concert just a few weeks before this baby bamboozle incident.

Talk about an inspiration.

First highlight: Latto was her opener. ANOTHER strong female performer and musician. My favorite part of her set was when her dancers strutted down the stage carrying signs advocating for women’s rights, with sayings like “MY BODY, MY CHOICE.”

Yes, girl!

Then, Lizzo delivered a set that can only be described as powerful, emotional and magical.

Her voice: amazing.

Her dance skills: out of this world.

Her ability to play the flute flawlessly while doing other things like, dancing: seemingly impossible.

Perhaps my favorite part of her set was when she turned to the crowd and asked, “When was the last time you said something kind about yourself?” Within earshot of her, someone answered, “Never,” which prompted an impassioned speech from Lizzo on why the last person who should put you down is yourself.

I admit, I did get a little teary eyed.

A lot of times, we are especially hard on ourselves. Self love can be difficult. But, it also really hurts when someone else takes a chip out of you with an unprompted comment… That woman looking for directions may have been slightly misguided asking about my body, but I don’t think she meant to cause harm to my psyche. However, there are body shamers out there who get particularly bold leaving comments about women on the internet, knowing that the women in question will see them. Lizzo is on the receiving end of those types of comments all the time. I imagine every day when she opens social media, there is something of that nature waiting for her in the comments section. In fact, I recently read an article about how she was defending herself, again.

How exhausting! But, unfortunately, this is something that is not new to women and more specifically to women in music.

Growing up, I adored and admired Brittney Spears. At the inception of her career, she was instantly sexualized despite being a teen. Coverage of her music was often overshadowed by commentary on her appearance. As she grew as an artist, the spotlight continued to burn. If her weight fluctuated at all, guaranteed there was an a blurb accompanied by a super unflattering picture, smack on the cover of a trashy magazine in supermarkets across the world.

I can only imagine the toll that would take on her mental health.

Then, in 2007 she had her infamous “breakdown” where she shaved her head. It was one of the biggest pop culture moments of the early to mid 2000’s. And again, people were quick to ONLY make comments about her body and physical appearance. She was clearly going through a mental health crisis and it’s not fair, to her, for the media to leave out all of the relentless public pressure and criticism she constantly faced about herself that contributed to that heartbreaking moment. There was clearly no winning for her- there was nothing she could do or be that would satisfy everyone. This continues to ring true for a lot of female artists in the industry today.

It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of world.

No woman is ever going to perfect because the goal post is constantly moving. The phrase ‘unattainable beauty standards’ is not a new one. In a perfect world, women would be judged on their talent and skills before their physical appearance, much like we do for male artists.

But, this isn’t a a perfect world.

Going back to my admiration for Lizzo. We can have strong role models who fight for equality and bleed self-love, but who also understand what it’s like to NOT love yourself- they get tired too.

I guess where I’m going with this is that self love isn’t easy. For anyone. Just remember to cut yourself some slack and cut some slack to other people too. We all have days where we feel on top of the world and we have days where you want to hide. No matter which day you’re on, remember music can be a great outlet to find solace.

Here we are in the throws of summer- “Hot Girl Summer” if you will.

I saw a tweet that said “Summer is gonna get whatever body I have” and honestly… mood. The biggest summer hits are always carefree and make you want to dance, so we should enjoy being carefree and dance no matter what we look like. Happiness and contentment with who you are may not be a constant state, but don’t let your summer pass you by waiting.

This summer, I will personally be jamming to our song “Supermoon,” which just celebrted it’s one year anniversary! Our inspiration was love of all types and it will definitely make you feel carefree and maybe even make you want to dance a little.

Long live hot self summer, no matter what that looks like!

Jamie